The biggest lie is spoken every day by billions across the world – “I am fine.”
We aren’t always well when we’re asked how we’re doing. But we lie because we don’t want to burden people, we’re ashamed or we think others don’t care (and mostly they don’t care).
I know we should be honest. But I’ll probably continue lying…
Last night, after a quirky conversation online with a guy, I invited him to come over to watch movies and smoke weed.
We watched two horror movies while getting stoned. I’m not a fan of horror movies because it frightens me to the core and I consider beforehand the sleepless night filled with creaks awaiting.
Fortunately, we had marijuana. And I laughed at some scenes.
After the movies, we chatted. I came up with the idea to answer the “36 questions which make you fall in love”. So we went through these intimate and personal questions. I’ve never been so open and vulnerable with another person.
We didn’t fall in love. But we had an experience that will stay with us both.
And I thought about how harder it would be to answer those questions with someone you know instead of a stranger. We wear masks with even the people close to us – and honestly answering some of those questions would be wiping away parts of the mask. And I think with most of these people, we are comfortable wearing these masks and wouldn’t want to lose that comfort.
I wish I could take off my mask for everyone – especially those closest to me.
I had a heated argument with a friend who believes that I don’t reveal enough about myself to show people the person I am. And he said maybe that was the reason I was still single – I needed to open up more.
I said there are many people who like me the way I am. And he added the people who cling on to me are desperate.
It hurt me in ways he still doesn’t understand. I told him as such. And I was told that I’m overreacting – he just spoke from his experience. Me saying I forgave him was unwarranted because according to him there was nothing to forgive because he didn’t hurt me.
There are a few lessons from this experience.
Firstly, some people are introverts and we live in an extroverted world. Introverts are made up of layers and reveal those layers over time. If you are an introvert, be a proud introvert – there are other people out there like you. There are people who will enjoy every part of your introversion.
Secondly, some people are self-conscious and project themselves onto other people. My friend thought I should be like him – reveal myself in the first hour of meeting someone. But he failed to recognise that he is single too.
Thirdly, some people won’t understand you. And that is fine – there are people who will get you.
Fourthly, you shouldn’t change for people to like you.
Fifthly, other people can’t decide whether or not they hurt you. If you feel hurt, it’s your feelings. And you are entitled to feel so regardless of what they think.
I did something I knew would hurt a friend. His reaction was to do the same, thinking I’d feel as hurt.
We often can’t confront our feelings – we act with passive aggression. Life would be a lot easier if we all just said what we felt.
oneyearoflearnings 